Burger Lobster.. Bentley's?

Bentley's, 11 - 15 Swallow Street, W1B 4DG

2 course meal with wine: £55 per person

Trying to get a table at Burger and Lobster on a Friday night was, in retrospect, a terrible idea. Thankfully we phoned ahead or else we would have gone there without knowing that they already more people in the queue than they would be able to accommodate in an evening. That would have been Very Bad. Instead, we drank another bottle of wine and conducted a remote trawl of the surrounding restaurants - what did we do before mobile internet? There was a table at Bentley's, so there we went expecting to have oysters or steak but instead found lobster burgers were the special of the day... result.

A few more London burgers

Once again, I have neglected my blog. New job, new flat (hopefully), Skyward Sword... The list of distractions is almost endless. However, with January safely dispatched for another year, I find myself with time to reflect on the meals that missed out on a write up. Among them, a mixed bag of burgers. Cue the inevitable round up post, the blog equivalent of the episode of that show you love, compiled almost exclusively from recycled old footage. 

The Poke at the Draft House

At home with Hawksmoor

Hawksmoor at Home by Huw Gott, Richard Turner and Will Beckett: Preface Publishing, 13 October 2011

October was a challenging month. Work sucked, I managed to gain half a stone seemingly without a concomitant increase in fun and I struggled to rise to the challenge of making the perfect burger at home, despite having invested in a cranky old mincer that must weigh half a tonne. To top it all, reading about how much fun everyone's was having during the soft opening of the new Hawksmoor didn't helped my rage. However, I can't complain. Whilst I may have missed out on the restaurant opening, the kind people at Random House sent me a copy of Hawksmoor at Home so I could recreate the fun myself. Rock and roll.

Shake Shack sacrilege

Shake Shack, Madison Square Park, New York City

Burger, fries and a shake: $14

On my first trip to New York, I agonised over which of the city's super-burgers to try first. In what Shake Shack fans would no doubt view as a controversial move, I chose the Burger Joint. It was an amazing experience. This was before we had Meatwagon, back when Byron was still quite new, and the slightly pink, extremely meaty burger in the bowels of Le Parker Meridien was a revelation. I never made it to Shake Shack on that trip. So on my most recent visit, I felt obliged to queue in Madison Square Park and get my chops round one of the Shack's finest. 

The Diner Diablo: a burger coming of age

The Diner, 18 Ganton Street, W1F 7BU

I was invited to try the Diablo but it would normally set you back £9

It took me ages to wean Mr F off the Diner. It was a source of discord in our otherwise happy home: he liked the Diner, I preferred Byron. Thus, lazy Thursday evenings and hungover Sundays were peppered with disagreement and one of us was doomed to perpetual disappointment. However, in a flash of genius inspired by the Big D, I introduced Mr F to the Byron double burger and the Diner was history. Even with the cute booths, my favourite lager in the world and Blue Oyster Cult on the playlist, the vastly superior meat finally won him over. Result.  Could a preview of their special Halloween burger change my mind? It turns out it could. Watch out Byron, the Diner might finally be about to offer you some competition. It's about time.

Haché: five years too late

Haché, 24 Inverness Street, NW1 7HJ

That things change is an irrefutable facet of existence. Sometimes frightening, usually unsettling; it is frequently-observed fact of life that almost nothing remains constant. However, there is one aspect of my life where time has done only good things: the evolution of the British burger. 

Longer-term residents of our fair isle will recall the dark days when the choice between McDonald's and Burger King was the only real decision required when dining on burgers. It is unsurprising, therefore, that the advent of Gourmet Burger Kitchen and their ilk - who made meddling with the humble burger into a multiple-outlet mega-success, was largely welcomed by a populace starved of variety. However, is anyone really sad that the intervening years have seen a growing maturity in our attitude to burgers, as we realise that something simple, made with top ingredients, is an infinitely superior choice? The folks at Haché must be, for in their world it is 2005, they are the best burger place in the city and variety still reigns supreme. Shame it's 2011, chaps.

The Big D

Byron, 33 -35 Wellington Street, WC2E 7BN

Why is is that I only ever discover new things after they are no longer cool or just before they disappear? The Big D is a case in point. Three days before the end of February, I tried my first one. Available for one short month every year, tomorrow is the last day they will be on the menu. I had a giant burger two days ago. I am not ready for another one. But if I don't eat a Big D today, I will have to wait 11 months for another or buy my own Big D at O'Shea's (the home of this meaty wonder) and get all pyromaniac on it with an old grill pan and cling film over the smoke detector. The latter might work in the short term but will leave me and the entire contents of my little flat reeking of cow for a good week.

There's only one thing for it: double burger week. Good job I am off to the US next week. It's not like they are any good at making burgers or anything...

Eat a Big D while you can. It is a meaty, juicy marvel.

Three ways with beef

East London Steak Co

Hawksmoor Seven Dials, 11 Langley St, WC2H 9JG

From time to time, I resolve to eat less flesh. This generally occurs when I read something written by a genuinely healthy person about wanting to eat sushi/salad/tofu because they feel fat from eating red meat. This triggers my deep-seated envy of people who actually want to have a well-balanced diet, forcing me to pretend that I too live that way and not, as is the reality, like some pre-historic dinosaur woman, chomping her way through meat-based meal after meat-based meal with no thought for vegetables. That said, eating my way through three different cuts of beef in one weekend was a bold move, even by my standards.

More Meat

#Meateasy, Goldsmiths Tavern, 316 New Cross Road, SE14 6AF

Bar Boulud, Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park, 66 Knightsbridge, SW1X 7LA

If I were to open a new bar in London, I imagine that deciding how to set it up would be a fairly swift process: 

1) Unexpected location, preferably in something not originally intended to be a bar e.g. shoe shop, hotdog stand or pet shop? Check.

2) Cocktails in jam jars / petrol cans / anything but glasses? Check.

3) Subtle but diverting speakeasy quirks evoking downtrodden decadence of prohibition era? Check.

Even simpler would be the process of designing the menu, for what self-respecting hotspot could overlook that trendiest of food stuffs: the burger. Despite its humble associations, the burger continues to capture London's foodie imagination; with everyone from East London dive bars to the big names in grilled meat jostling for the crown of London's Best Burger. With such great variation between the offerings, comparison is almost impossible. Nonetheless, here goes my take on what makes a good burger: the big hype versus the big name.

A woman in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a burger

Byron, 341 Upper Street, N1 0PB 

The Diner, 21 Essex Road, N1 2SA

Like many Londoners, I seem to have been overcome by the desire to find the "perfect burger". For me, this largely involves compiling a mental list of the things a good burger must include and then comparing each new burger experience against this imaginary burger-benchmark. Eating a burger has, therefore, become a slightly more analytical experience than perhaps it should be. I find myself scrutinising the bun (is it going to fall apart?), the cheese (no Monterey Jack, how could you?) and, of course, the meat (not even remotely pink, you swine!). However, if I am honest, when I go for a burger, I don't necessarily want a high-class gourmet experience. I am more likely to go somewhere local that serves decent beer than trek across town to find absolute burger perfection. So, this post is not about the best burger, it is about the two places that, between them, are making pretty good money from my desire to eat grilled meat, bread and cheese.