A postcard from the Fork family Christmas

The Hinds Head, Bray, SL6 2AB

If Hollywood ever made a film of our lives, the director would need to employ the full range of his or her talents to gloss over and romanticise the Fork idiosyncrasies. However, last weekend would require no editing. We were channelling the Christmas spirit in a picture-postcard-from-happily-married-life way. A party with old friends we haven't seen for years on Friday was followed by a family pre-Christmas meal in a pub on Saturday. This piece is, naturally, concerned with the latter; although our Friday host's home-made elderflower wine was worthy of its own review. 

If a Hollywood film maker was imagining a typical quaint English pub, it would probably look like the Hinds Head. In fact,that part of Bray looks and feels exactly like an English village ought to. Twinkling Christmas lights adorn the wooden window frames of quaint houses - perfectly picturesque. A deceptively large building, it has the twisting staircases and oddly shaped rooms of a proper old building.

A moment on Heston: I have been looking forward to eating in one of his restaurants for a very long time. It was a relief, therefore, that the menu appeared to live up to my vast expectations. It was one of those happy occasions when I could happily have had anything, if not everything, on the menu. This was not an option so Mr F and I set about the not-so-subtle process of negotiating who would have what. He bagged the steak  leaving me open to have foie gras. Crab for him and offal for me rounded off the process, leaving us free to focus on the real purpose of the meal: to catch up with family.

Mr F's parents and youngest sister moved back from the other side of the world this year. So perhaps the pleasure of getting all of us together, when there have not been many opportunities recently, influenced our enjoyment of the food. For, even with extremely high expectations, the food was as close to perfection as is humanly possible. A foie gras and ham terrine was both rich and delicious, nuggets of salty, flaky ham a contrast of taste and texture against the smooth, creamy foie gras. There was some properly smoky tea-smoked salmon and an apparently excellent goats cheese in a salad with beetroot. Poor old Mr Fork's crab on toast was less impressive. Not bad but nothing on the sea-tasting brilliance of the Anchor and Hope's version. 

Fortunately, Mr Fork's quiveringly rare steak was very good, although the fabulously meaty bone marrow sauce completely outshone it, as did the famous triple cooked chips. My oxtail and kidney pudding was masterfully done with perfectly sticky suet pastry and a deeply flavoursome filling. The Dinner Winner, for this is how we refer to the lucky person who is judged to have made the best choice in the competitive Fork household, was Mr F's father. His chicken, smoked guinea fowl and mushroom pie was outstanding. It was a perfect little dome of light and crispy pastry, the filling subtly permeated by smoky flavour of the guinea fowl. I had to restrain my food envy-inspired urge to sneakily swap our plates.

By this stage, the more sensible amongst us had admitted defeat. Not the Forks, however; we were already limbering up to attack dessert. I am glad we managed it because dessert was where the touches of Heston's slightly mad genius were most apparent. A cup of mulled wine and chocolate slush was the most obvious example of this, although my chocolate orange tart with gold leaf and popping candy was almost as unusual. Although the approach to the desserts was the most interesting aspect of the meal, none quite matched up to the (albeit more conventional) brilliance of previous courses.

It would be unfair not to reflect on three less fantastic aspects of the experience, although these are small (ish) points when considered against the quality of cooking. First up, this is generally a London food blog and Bray is a bit of a pain to get to. Without a car, you have to get a train to Maidenhead and then a taxi or lift from obliging family member. Second, although the prices at the Hinds Head are not prohibitively high in the way that they are at the Fat Duck, it is a costly place to eat, particularly for a pub. I am not sure how much our meal came to because we were the guests of Mr F's parents; but food alone could probably come to about £50 per head unless you opt for the set menu. Finally, the Heston brand: you can buy the tea-smoked salmon at Waitrose and make your own popping candy tart using the recipe on their website. I have some of his salmon in the fridge, so clearly I think the growing availability of Heston stuff is a good thing; but some might feel that this detracts from the exclusive luxury of actually eating at one of his restaurants. 

On the cycle back from Paddington, we spotted a man coming out a bar in a Christmas pyjama one-piece. It was the sort of wacky thing that the film industry likes to imagine must happen all the time in London. A perfect end to a very perfect evening. Hollywood would approve.